Charlie’s Angels has a lot of women going for it. Not that that’s a good or bad thing, per se; it’s obviously a story about 3 female spies doing things police can’t. It’s that they’re not doing anything particularily intelligent with said women.
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Patrick or Kristen?
Kristen Stewart is in this movie, as is Patrick Stewart. It’s sad that the old male masculine man who is a guy and thus has a penis and exists only as a side character in this feminist movie steals more moments in the trailer than one of the main three female Charlie’s Angels.
And only with a few words. Kristen seems to be playing the kid on the street or thief role, thrust into a world of espionage and guns, where she doesn’t have much to do; aside from elbowing a tied up man with some drapes, playing dress up (which all the women do), and riding a horse. All the while sporting a haircut from Miley Cyrus’ Wrecking Ball days.
Forgive me while the men of the world aren’t terribly excited. So ladies, please, go watch the hell out of this movie. Just try not to tell us Kristen is some sort of acting gift from God.
Charlie’s Angels are women
Abundantly so. Which is fine. You expect this. It’s the concept. Females in a feminist flick. Girl power. Cool. But when you start seeing women take on men almost 1.5x times their size and weight, something doesn’t look right. Women need to be smart, seductive, stealthy, smooth, speedy, and other denominational s-words. They have to use spycraft to overcome their obstacles.
But they shouldn’t be able to deflect bullets from a car-deployable chain gun. Unless that dude has horrible aim, they’ve invented forcefields, or that Jetta (or Prius, or whatever car is in the trailer) is secretly a tank, I’m curious to see how anyone in that vehicle, female or otherwise, survives.
A reboot of a reboot of a reboot
Charlie’s Angels started in the 70s. It was a TV show that lasted 5 years. It was then rebooted in 2000 and 2003 with two films, Charlie’s Angels (2000), and Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle. It then was rebooted again as a TV show in 2011, lasting only 4 episodes until it was cancelled due to low ratings. And here we are again, with a property no one really wants.
Charlie’s Bosley’s
This time, there are 3 Bosleys. The one possibly played by Patrick Stewart, Djimon Hounsou (the “who?” guy from Guardians of the Galaxy) and the writer/director herself, Elizabeth Banks. The Townsend Agency has expanded internationally, and there are at least 3 instructors “Bosley’s” to teach Charlie’s Angles in their craft and help them in their missions.
The simple question is: when you have actual specialists doing a task, why do you need rookies? The story has to give us pretty darned good reasons why this is the case, or we’ve got some ridiculous logic of putting unskilled, inexperienced women in a deadly game of spycraft, guns and death.
Software can’t weaponize things.
One of the recruited Charlie’s Angels is a software developer, who fears for herself and the safety of the world due to her working on some project that can “revolutionize and weaponize the energy sector.” Or some nonsense.
I’m no chemical, nuclear, structural or electrical engineer, but I’m quite sure software engineers and their code can’t do any of that. Software just makes things that already exist autonomous, or more efficient. Computers work in tandem with hardware; they’re the brains behind things. It’s hardware or equipment that can change the world (a new way of getting energy, for example, nuclear fusion.)
Clearly one of Charlie’s Angels can #learntocode. Too bad the writer of the movie couldn’t.
Another example of Getting Woke and Going Broke.
Feminism kills. Or at least, doesn’t sell.
Of course, I could be totally wrong, and they can make another series of rebooted Charlie’s Angels movies, and empower women and girls and kill lots of men. Yay. But until these ladies do anything remotely believable, it’s not going to help men or women with taste watch this popcorn munching flop.
Check out my review of Charlie’s Angels 2019 trailer below: